The Big 10

It all falls back to how it use to be.

After completely releasing myself from the confines of the previous relationship I grew back into my usual thing. It doesn’t feel the same anymore like it use to. Now it feels pointless, all these people that have some type of access to me when it use to be nobody had access to me. Any other guy would loathe in this however, I don’t. There’s 10 that I could have my way with with 4 having their own place. 

This 10 doesn’t count the person I truly feel for. 

Anybody else it’s really just one thing I have left to say. 

Chapters

I guess

Us guys forget how recent it was we made a mistake and decide to make another one.  I don’t know why but I do know I’ll insert DJ Khaled saying Another one below

Because I’m a guy 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xdh0TeGNsTw

Progress

I began drinking not to turn up but to ease pain. First time being flat drunk purpose was to ensure that I didn’t feel pain when the paddle came my way. I believe I still attempt the same thing, the effects are just different. It doesn’t ease the pain this time, it lets it out and flashes constant reminders across my immediate mind of why. 

Pre-meet

Hours before
I’m guessing we’re still on for the night even though I have yet a clue of what it’s going to consist of. Have you seen the new movies lately I wonder and which  of the karaoke cafes can we hit late after or should I think of something else I’m nervous. Plus I want to look like that smooth chocolate you once craved, while laying on the bed hoping that plans indeed don’t change, since any improvised plans that would come about had just been canceled. Sitting clothes out, I remember it being a Sunday, I reach to see what slacks I have that would catch your eye. I have to look good and be neat yet simple and not overdone. While matching clothes I think to myself I have the slightest clue what to say to you, I just want to look at you, fantasize not sex, but your being as a whole. To worship every breath that is exhaled, catch every word and count every syllable as they part your lips fuck what could I say? I must reframe from starring at you, thinking how bad I really want to explode from the excitement. Could it get that far between us? Well now it seems that question is a dream so I stay at bay and try to play the simple role. Simple hurts but maybe simple works. Everyday is a learning experience. Is this the chance to learn you over again? I don’t know. You have yet to confirm our plans for the day. I would call but don’t know if you’d answer. Maybe, just maybe from your point of view I don’t deserve the confirmation. We will have to see how the day pans out.  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DvGye61MjIs

Saving

I’ve been saving up.

Just to give you that outing that you’ve never had, well at least from me. I use to sit and listen to every problem you ever had. No matter how many times it was said or how loud you got I kept the same peace to listen. It doesn’t take a scientist to see that everyday with you I loose face value, less worthy of time, words, efforts. That same money I’ve been saving goes out to vices that can numb the numb feeling I’ve been given or received for not being in the graciousness of your blessings. 

Raw Emotion

Raw emotion was created as an emotional outlet for ones venting and expression. Hoping that through this blog, I can release, review, and grow from all my writings and expressive journey. Thanks for being a part of this journey.